If you’ve been through it, you know what I’m talking about. There’s always that guy. Whether it’s his job in the house, or his job in life, he’s there at the worst times. The guy you would seriously punch in the face if given the chance— the guy you will hold a grudge against always and forever. While the list of reasons could easily fill up a yellow notebook pad, you begin to hate him for who he is, rather than what he does. He’s a fucking asshole. You question his parents, his sexuality, and his innate passion to live life as an asshole. You truly wonder how someone could entertain such a passion for fucking another over.
He’ll make you eat shit, do pushups, buy him beer, sing to him and feel like the scum of the earth. He’ll insult you the most, kick you when you’re down and push you to drop from day one. Ever watch the marine training shows on TV where marines can ring a bell if they want to quit? Tired, muddy and on the verge of tears, marines are forced to ring a bell with their mouths to end the pain. The marine sergeant does all he can to get you to ring that bell. During pledging, this asshole does just the same. It is his responsibility to make life tough. It’s one thing to throw meatloaf at you. It’s another thing to add a plastic plate in the mix. Now, he sounds like the ultimate douche-bag, but there are some positives. He’s only human, and there is always a line that won’t be crossed. He won’t kill you (hopefully), and just like any college guy, there are ways to get around him. Once a pledge realizes his life is fucked no matter what he does, that asshole can be put in his place with a little hard work. Instructions are for another time.
The asshole toughens you up, and shows no sympathy. When all is said and done, you just might respect him most for his frat passion. Maybe, just maybe, he does his job well. You both hate it, and love it at the same time. From that piece of meatloaf thrown into your face, to that random cigarette run at 3am, pledging comes full circle. One must understand that one day a pledge will be on the other side of the fence. Until then, keep hating. It’s only human.
To be that asshole, you’ve got to have a few things going for you. For one, you better live in the house. Mark your territory, and make the pledges fear the house. You better be pissy, and be able to hold a straight face. Don’t laugh, or give any pledge a reason to think of you as soft. Be big (or ripped). A frat doesn’t need a midget doing the dirty work, or a bookworm making threats. Have a presence, and make it known. Throw some shit, be anal and make life miserable.
Whether you’re an asshole-to-be, or a new initiate holding a grudge against one, you must pay tribute to the asshole of the fraternity. Every story needs an antagonist. Throw a few drugs, alcohol and violence into the mix, and you’ve got the making for a real horror story: pledging.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.