While #1 Animal House inspired colleges everywhere to achieve the most prestigious Greek-life possible, it also laid the framework for the shitty realities of life: #29 Anti-Hazing Douchebags. Society looks down upon fraternities just as America looks down upon Marijuana. When it comes to hazing, no fraternity can be legitimized unless it crosses paths with the long dick of the law.
What exactly am I talking about? I’m talking about #15 Brotherhood Haters: Fuck the Police. Yet, in a weird way, if your fraternity hasn’t somehow gotten involved with the law, you’re probably not partying, hazing or fucking hard enough. It’s like Lil Wayne going to jail. Yea, it sucks, but it makes him even more badass. Anyways, when it comes to fraternities, pledgeship throws a whole new ball of risk into the mix. The normal worries of “Minors in Possession” or “Driving under the Influence” become mere hiccups in the larger picture. If you haven’t read our In The News section, check it out. You’ll get a sour taste of what I’m talking about.
The #23 Top 10 Hazing Scandals and Stories paints the perfect picture. Pledgeship can go wrong, and no longer can mommy and daddy protect you. This is serious shit, and they’ll throw your ass in jail for it. So, #41 Why Do We Haze, if the risk is so great? We do it because it’s exactly what they don’t want us to do. 10 bucks says that the amount of alcohol consumption of 18-21 year olds would decrease if the legal drinking age were 18. And 10 bucks says less people would smoke marijuana in the long-run if it were legalized in America. Lastly, 10 bucks says hazing wouldn’t be so fucking bad if it wasn’t already taboo in society. It’s a matter of principle. Like anything in life, if something is illegal, there’s going to be a black market for it.
Anyways, the fact still remains. Hazing is “bad”, and the Long Dick of the Law stands ready and willing to fuck you if the opportunity arises. Now more than ever, secrecy is the most important factor of pledgeship. When the day does come when your fraternity stands before the chubby fellows with a badge, stand up straight and take it like a man. Each and every fraternity needs to brush arms with the law a time or two. It’s a legitimacy factor, and it reminds you just how badass your life of partying, hazing, fucking and so-on has and always will be.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.