Society doesn’t give the Brotherhood enough credit. Just like porn paves paths into new technologies, the Brotherhood isn’t far behind either. We might be hated, but we’re fucking innovators. If there’s a will, there’s a way. The brotherhood comes up with some truly ridiculous and incredible ways to challenge – and more often humiliate – pledges. And these days, these methods can be expanded even more, thanks to the growth of technology and Steve Jobs’ mom deciding to get frisky 50 years ago.
With our world increasingly revolving around new technology, there’s an open canvas for the Brotherhood to take advantage of. No longer does the pledging process solely revolve around physical and mental pursuits, such as #45: 14 Most Brutal Hazing Rituals. The Brotherhood is tech savvy, damnit. And we’ll flex our muscle accordingly. We’re breaking down our top 5 list of pledging tasks influenced by technology:
1. Twitter Surrender
Perhaps the cruelest tech-related pledge task involves a little blue bird. God forbid you’re forced to surrender your Twitter account. Allowing fraternity brothers to take total control of your Twitter identity subjects you to all kinds of social humiliation. It’s one to thing to get randomly hacked, it’s a completely different thing to slowly come out of the closet with a series of tweets over the course of the semester. While it’s a good way to give the Brotherhood the dominance and practical joke ability associated with pledging without risks of intense “hazing” (See: #23 Top Ten Worst Hazing Scandals & Stories) , let’s just say the collateral damage could be mind-blowing. For all you future pledges out there, be smart and drop social media. It’ll only get you in trouble until you’re done.
2. Online Dating
Some bros have a hard time getting laid, and that’s okay. When life throws you curve balls, technology is there to help. How does the Brotherhood respond? Find a way to kick it up a notch with pledges. Brotherhoods have been known to create online dating profiles, such as E-Harmony, for their pledges. A few embarrassing tweets is one thing. Showcasing your softer side is a completely different thing. Always good competition as well to see who gets the most dates out of it… just don’t be that guy who ends up in the news because of his public #77 Rape Survey. Keep it clean, boys.
3. Online Gambling
Bros loves gambling. While some people might win the lottery and take payments over a decade, others might take out a lump sum and put it all on red. Life’s short, do what you want. In most pledgeships, money flows from the bottom-up. The #62 Cost of Pledgeship is a hefty one. What the brotherhood does with it’s sugar-babies is totally up to them. In some cases, the Brotherhood doubles-down. Instead of forcing the pledges to buy them beer, the Brotherhood lets the pledges earn everyone a little more (or lose everything, but hey, they’re just pledges). Pledges open up a BetFair Casino account, or some similar site online. With entire casinos’ worth of gaming options online these days, brothers can set pledges up to compete, and then recover any winnings above and beyond the cost. It’s like a fraternity gambling prostitution ring, minus the prostitution. You get the joke. But seriously, think about it. When you pledged, wouldn’t you have rather enjoyed the play as opposed to just handing money over?
4. High Times
For the lazier brotherhoods out there, we all know the importance of a good game of FIFA. Or, just how important it is that we’ve got a copy of the latest COD. Whether or not a bowl is smoked at the same time is besides the point. Either way, Xbox games can provide a perfect hazing atmosphere. You’ve never seen a kid sweat like one who’s playing a game of FIFA under pressure. Winner goes home, loser hits the ice bath in 30-degree weather. Make sense?
Facebook brings it all together. A little bit of Twitter, online dating and bullshit news come into one. With the government pushing to give employers access to employees social media accounts (check it out here), it’s only right that the Brotherhood does the same with pledges. It’s basically an employer-employee relationship anyways… But seriously, ever wanted to go FBO with that blonde bombshell from down the hall? Well, the Brotherhood might just do that for you.
If you’re ever bitching about your life as a pledge, just keep one thing in mind: #74 You Signed Up For This. These tech hazing examples should be the highlight of your day compared to everything else. It’s pledging. Don’t talk about it, be about it.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.