Well fuck, isn’t this an entire website devoted to the revelation of pledgeship secrets? You bet your ass it is. So what about secrecy? I’ll shove it up the brotherhood’s ass, that’s what I’ll do. Look, the importance of secrecy remains immense in any brotherhood that hazes their pledges’ balls off. Just ask Tiger. A lack of secrecy fucked him hard. But we’ll talk about that in a second. For now, let’s savor our rights as men to bitch about the experiences of our past, and reveal the best-kept secrets known to pledgeship. Secrecy has and always will be the number one rule of pledgeship. Fuck that, it’s time to let it all out.
Whether it’s the first night of pledgeship, or the very second you accept your bid, secrecy cannot be stressed to a higher extent. Pledges will do some crazy shit in a span of two/three months. If little Bobby decides to tell mommy about his episode of chugging a brothers’ cup of dip spit, then all shit goes to hell. Do I really need to explain what happens from there? It’s like opening your mouth about fucking your best bud’s girlfriend. It won’t take long before it bites you in the ass. Just ask Tiger. See what happens when someone opens their mouth? A lack of secrecy cost him a cool $100 million. Tiger’s pledge class of hot-ass mistresses just did not grasp the concept of secrecy. Just like a mistress, each pledge has one fucking duty above all others: to keep their mouth shut.
To be honest, secrecy blows. If you’re spitting game to hot blonde at a party, you want to look cool. She asks about your life as a pledge, so you think telling her a few inside stories will build yourself up. Is there some guide-to-getting-laid handbook out there that says the easiest way to get in a girl’s pants is to reveal secrets about pledgeship? Fuck no there isn’t. So why in the hell do pledges open their mouth? Beats the shit out of me. They just do. If every little boy Michael Jackson fondled had just kept his mouth shut, then we’d still have Neverland Ranch. I still miss that place to this day.
Here’s a simple scenario that parallels the secrecy situation. After waking up the morning after a solid one-night stand, you feel a severe itch down by your manly jewels. You know you’re fucked, and you now regret forgetting to slap on your little rubber buddy. Anyways, with the knowledge of your newfound friend, Mr. STD, what do you do? I sure as fuck know I wouldn’t go tell the world about it. I wouldn’t tell the next girl I slept with, or my mother, or any other goddamn person. It’s as simple as that.
Like an STD, pledgeship fucks you. It’s painful, time-consuming and will break you. It’s a lesson learned in time, and everyone must pay his dues. You better believe you’ll use protection next time, now won’t you? As a pledge, you learn your lesson through hazing. Every pledge has the same thought run across his mind at least once during pledgeship: why not call the cops and tip them off? Bad fucking idea. As bad as it gets, pledgeship is your choice. Before you dick over your pledge brothers, the brotherhood and your social life as a whole, think before doing something so stupid. You can always drop. But yes, the cops are brotherhood haters. They will fuck the brotherhood sideways if given the chance.
Like I said, secrecy is king. It’s one thing to tell a sorority girl about the true cause of your black eye. It’s completely different to reveal a wicked hazing story of your pledgeship (anonymously) on PledgingSucks.com. Fucking do it. The brotherhood wants to hear it.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.